Finally i have time to write a proper post. had my last paper at 2pm, so officially i'm off books and assignments.Just need to rest and relax during my winter break but funny thing is I'm not as excited as previous years. It's not that I dont want to go home or hang out with mamak friends, just that I feel torn apart between two worlds. I'm in the middle and my sense of belonging is either left or right. Since May I have been quite busy with work, panicking with assignments and exam the following month, obviously others were busy too in their own way. So would it be unkind or selfish if you find comfort from others? Through the month, comfort was seriously not to be seen or felt. Forget about family first cause family have nothing to do with what I'm saying. What about friends, or peers, or childhood friends? I seriously felt a distance between each other and it's getting wider and longer. Oh, stop the crap with people move on and people change. If people really change that often, then this world will not last. It's more complex than that. Remember once you 'label' each other friends forever or best friends..are these just words? Are they suppose to be a temporary thing? Then children from young has been taught the wrong thing. Forever = wont last.

When one is not strong enough, one neither kill themselves and go to hell or they want to talk about it, try to fight back and survive. For the past month, I have experienced both kind. Not so serious to kill myself i cant endure the pain but just wanting to give up with no hope at all. Pictures are not real I mind you. There are just display that doesnt mean anything. Lately most of my pictures shows that i'm sad or angry stuff like that,but in reality I am like that. I dont smile when I head for lecture nor walk around uni until i see someone i know which is an extreme difficult task. I find myself heading to most of the tutorials and lecturers alone. Ah, I'm not trying to be a lone ranger or being anti-social, just that I feel I've been social exclude instead. Huh? Dont understand? Well, like I said, I dont feel apart of this side of the world - Melbourne. People here conform and do everything together which limits the life of a human. For youth around my age, there are only some stuff you can do. Go and kill yourself with boozes and waste your time on the dance floor taking extremely fake posers picture. You can also stay in the casino and gamble away your money. If you win, good for you, you learn how to earn money and eventually you'll be a billionaire through gambling.

AH, you can also do shopping.Seeing the same clothes in every shopping mall, same brands,same price.How interesting. Even a shopacholic will get bored and faint and died on the spot. So people, it results in studying like an otaku as you 'try' to read lecture notes but your brain crashes after 1 page and cant load anything inside. Anyhow, I'm free now. not much plans yet since everyone is rather busy.

Weee, it's not an essay so it's not well structured but it's what my mind tells me to write and my hands just write. i'm still very much attached to CHSB after 3 years. People question my attachment, but why? is it a crime to be still very much attached? Well I dont have other attachment other than that, no job,no commitment,no nothing. Nevertheless, i appreciate those who stuck by me all this time but hopefully it's not because of me forcing you to. Just half an hour ago, I found something that was confusing and hurtful to me. I guess it's suppose to be a secret but i found out anyway. So i'll question my creditability again, am i suitable to hold that position?

Nevertheless, i tried but you wouldnt let me

NO I do not want to talk about this so DO NOT i repeat DO NOT ask anything as it is too late already..no buttsssss..do not mention..or ask..or give signals or whatever..i refused to listen...UNLESS i open up first... if not...



have a great day people